Unknown

There are people who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who wonder what happened.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. It's better to belong to the first group because there is less competition.

Unknown, (Wilson on Home Improvement), in Work and Recreation

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To err is human, to blame the next guy even more so.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

To err is human, to forgive unusual.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.

Unknown, (Indian proverb), in Life and Death and Vice and Virtue

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Unknown, in Wealth and Poverty

While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

While anyone can admit to themselves they were wrong, the true test is admission to someone else.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

When you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.

Unknown, in War and Peace

When you're angry, take a deep breath and count to ten. When you're really angry, swear.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion.

Unknown, (Ethiopian proverb), in Work and Recreation

When falling in love, some lose their head, others lose their heart.

Unknown, in Love and Hate