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Positive anything is better than negative nothing.

Elbert Hubbard, in Success and Failure

Comedy is tragedy plus time.

Carol Burnett, in Happiness and Misery

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Winston Churchill, in Law and Politics

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

Albert Einstein, in Vice and Virtue

If you have a bowl of apples and you eat the best ones first, then you have only the best ones left.

Shelly Horton, in Success and Failure

I would rather be attacked than unnoticed. For the worst thing you can do to an author is to be silent as to his works.

Samuel Johnson, in Art and Literature

I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it.

Jack Handey, in Life and Death

Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity.

R. I. Fitzhenry, in Wisdom and Ignorance

To be prepared against surprise is to be trained. To be prepared for surprise is to be educated.

James Carse, in Life and Death

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Woody Allen, in Life and Death and Love and Hate

Riot: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in War and Peace

There is no security on this earth; there is only opportunity.

Douglas MacArthur, in Success and Failure

I wish to have no connection with any ship that does not sail fast; for I intend to go in harms way.

John Paul Jones, in War and Peace

Politics is like a race horse. A good jockey must know how to fall with the least possible damage.

Edouard Herriot, (from Politicians and Other Scoundrels by Ferdinand Lundberg), in Law and Politics

Life is like a sewer -- what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Tom Lehrer, (from the album An Evening Wasted), in Life and Death

Kindness is the beginning of cruelty.

Frank Herbert, Dune, in Altruism and Cynicism

Conscience is the window of our spirit, evil is the curtain.

Doug Horton, in Vice and Virtue

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Nicholas Murray Butler, in Science and Religion and Success and Failure

He has half the deed done who has made a beginning.

Horace, in Work and Recreation

If the aborigine drafted an I.Q. test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it.

Stanley Garn, in Wisdom and Ignorance