Unknown
Aphorisms Attributed to This Aphorist
61–80 (422)
tiny.ag/ipnqtb0n · submitted 1997
If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot dog stands on the moon.
Unknown, in Men and Women
tiny.ag/0xhdtnul · submitted 1997
If people talk negatively about you, live so that no one will believe them.
tiny.ag/gjpds4m8 · submitted 1997
If only I could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.
tiny.ag/qse5ziat · submitted 1998
Give a man a fish and he'll ask for a lemon. Teach a man to fish and he'll leave work early on Friday.
tiny.ag/ypqqlw9y · submitted 1998
Always remember your weapons system was made by the lowest bidder
Unknown, in War and Peace
tiny.ag/renqzacv · submitted 1997
You're a genius if you fly a kite during a thunderstorm, and discover that lightning is electricity -- but you're an idiot if you fly a kite during a thunderstorm, and discover that lightning can kill you.
Unknown, (from Mad Magazine), in Success and Failure
tiny.ag/gelcd01a · submitted 1997
You should emulate your heroes, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
tiny.ag/ugcdh8oe · submitted 1997
You may only have two of the three choices: (1) Enjoy your job. (2)Work within the law. (3)Make lots of money.
tiny.ag/8kw5laiw · submitted 1997
You draw nothing out of the bank of life except what you deposit in it.
tiny.ag/rh0iiyqp · submitted 1997
If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
tiny.ag/epdarexm · submitted 1999 by Jim Mueller
I wish I were what I was when I wanted to be what I am now.
tiny.ag/piw4y7md · submitted 1997
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
tiny.ag/fwsgb93v · submitted 1997
If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality whatsoever.
tiny.ag/eanvvuth · submitted 1997
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
tiny.ag/d6tftb8q · submitted 1997
If everyone would sweep in front of their own door, the whole world would be clean.
Unknown, (Middle Eastern proverb), in Vice and Virtue
tiny.ag/ugvde1cx · submitted 1997
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
tiny.ag/aqhc8mvh · submitted 1999 by Glenn Troester
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
tiny.ag/stfdm53a · submitted 1997
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
tiny.ag/fsy6lb1v · submitted 1997
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
tiny.ag/fpgp1ubk · submitted 1997
I am so evil that heaven won't take me and hell is afraid I'll take over.
Unknown, (T-shirt), in Vice and Virtue
61–80 (422)