Unknown

Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

There are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. It's better to belong to the first group because there is less competition.

Unknown, (Wilson on Home Improvement), in Work and Recreation

Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little.

Unknown, in Men and Women

No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

Never make anything simple and efficient when a way can be found to make it complex and wonderful.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Never give advice -- a wise man won't need it, a fool won't heed it.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Never deprive someone of hope -- it may be all they have.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Never ask the barber if you need a haircut.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Never argue with a fool. Someone watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Lada.

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Wealth and Poverty

Mollison's Bureaucracy Hypothesis: If an idea can survive a bureaucratic review and be implemented it wasn't worth doing.

Unknown, in Law and Politics

Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism and Wealth and Poverty