Unknown

Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. It's better to belong to the first group because there is less competition.

Unknown, (Wilson on Home Improvement), in Work and Recreation

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

The world is governed more by appearance than realities, so it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as it is to know it.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Theft from a single author is plagiarism. Theft from two is comparative study. Theft from three or more is research.

Unknown, in Science and Religion and Work and Recreation

There are no errors in this book, except this one.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are people who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who wonder what happened.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are a lot of ways to become a failure, but never taking a chance is the most successful.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The IQ of the group is the lowest IQ of a member of the group divided by the number of people in the group.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed.

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Work and Recreation

The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.

Unknown, in Life and Death

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Unknown, in Law and Politics

The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Wisdom and Ignorance

The burden is equal to the horse's strength.

Unknown, (The Talmud), in Work and Recreation