Unknown

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Unknown, in Law and Politics

To live a perfect life, you must ask nothing, give nothing, and expect nothing.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery and Life and Death

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To err is human, to forgive unusual.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To err is human, to blame the next guy even more so.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

There are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. It's better to belong to the first group because there is less competition.

Unknown, (Wilson on Home Improvement), in Work and Recreation

The more you know, the less you need to show.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The last time you failed, did you stop trying because you failed -- or did you fail because you stopped trying?

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

The more I know men, the more I love my dog.

Unknown, in Men and Women

The more you put into life, the less you will get.

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Vice and Virtue