Unknown

To err is human, to blame the next guy even more so.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Use soft words and hard arguments.

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Wisdom and Ignorance

Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.

Unknown, in Life and Death and Success and Failure

Truth fears no questions.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

Unknown, (Muslim proverb), in Wisdom and Ignorance

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

True friendship is seen through the heart, not through the eyes.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Unknown, in Law and Politics

To live a perfect life, you must ask nothing, give nothing, and expect nothing.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery and Life and Death

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To err is human, to forgive unusual.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are no errors in this book, except this one.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are people who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who wonder what happened.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. It's better to belong to the first group because there is less competition.

Unknown, (Wilson on Home Improvement), in Work and Recreation

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Unknown, in Success and Failure