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Aphorisms Galore! lets you Feed Your Wit by browsing, searching, submitting, and discussing aphorisms and witty sayings by famous and not-so-famous people.
Welcome! The computer thought you might be interested in these aphorisms today, taking into account things like their recent popularities and how new they are to the collection:
tiny.ag/vfmz7cvr · submitted 1997
If you want a high performance woman, I can go from zero to bitch in less than 2.1 seconds.
tiny.ag/yio6tuyz · submitted 1997
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts, in Life and Death
tiny.ag/bpcdcqq7 · submitted 1997
Hitch your wagon to a star.
tiny.ag/mjjtqyix · submitted 1997
An excuse is the mark of a moral coward.
tiny.ag/yefighwf · submitted 1999
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
tiny.ag/ry72cat0 · submitted 1997
There is no security on this earth; there is only opportunity.
tiny.ag/ls2p5dcg · submitted 1997
Sloppy thinking gets worse over time.
tiny.ag/nxwvhtlg · submitted 1997
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
tiny.ag/toiqhdlg · submitted 1997
Anybody who wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
tiny.ag/f6aon4ji · submitted 1998
Never try to out-stubborn a cat.
Robert A. Heinlein, The Notebooks of Lazarus Long, in Success and Failure
tiny.ag/o5og0ube · submitted 1997
A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.
tiny.ag/tgkornhe · submitted 1997
Yield to temptation -- it may not pass your way again.
Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love (Lazarus Long), in Vice and Virtue
tiny.ag/ircejxuc · submitted 1997
You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.
tiny.ag/j0vq6ox3 · submitted 1997
Beauty is variable, ugliness is constant.
tiny.ag/5x9cvfxv · submitted 1997
I wouldn't mind dying -- it's that business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
tiny.ag/gesq5cpw · submitted 1997
A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.
tiny.ag/z91tc0go · submitted 1997
It's better to keep your mouth shut and give the impression that you're stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
tiny.ag/airwcz94 · submitted 1997
A book is a mirror; if an ass peers into it, you can't expect an apostle to look out.
G. C. Lichtenberg, in Art and Literature and Wisdom and Ignorance
tiny.ag/vr4hxjva · submitted 1997
Egoist: A person of low taste, more interested in themselves than in me.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism
tiny.ag/npf5ywfi · submitted 1997
He that would perfect his work must first sharpen his tools.