Unknown

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To err is human, to blame the next guy even more so.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

To err is human, to forgive unusual.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To live a perfect life, you must ask nothing, give nothing, and expect nothing.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery and Life and Death

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Unknown, in Law and Politics

True friendship is seen through the heart, not through the eyes.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

Strategy: A long-range plan whose merit cannot be evaluated until sometime after those creating it have left the organization.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Stupidity is also known as a medical disorder known as a rectal-cranial inversion.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Success is a journey, not a destination.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism