Aphorisms Galore!

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Aphorisms Galore! lets you Feed Your Wit by browsing, searching, submitting, and discussing aphorisms and witty sayings by famous and not-so-famous people.

Welcome! The computer thought you might be interested in these aphorisms today, taking into account things like their recent popularities and how new they are to the collection:

tiny.ag/rnxbf2ho  ·  submitted 1998

I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it.

Jack Handey, in Life and Death

tiny.ag/tq4jumf6  ·  submitted 1997

Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.

Oscar Levant, in Happiness and Misery

tiny.ag/ucas5skv  ·  submitted 1997

Life is the childhood of our immortality.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, in Life and Death

tiny.ag/ndscvllq  ·  submitted 1997

Positive anything is better than negative nothing.

Elbert Hubbard, in Success and Failure

tiny.ag/p6bwfqfr  ·  submitted 1997

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

P. J. O'Rourke, in Art and Literature

tiny.ag/9qotdgih  ·  submitted 1999

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Doug Kenney, in Love and Hate

tiny.ag/gu6tloek  ·  submitted 1997

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Simon Cameron, in Altruism and Cynicism and Law and Politics

tiny.ag/hyedkhd2  ·  submitted 1997

It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, in Wisdom and Ignorance

tiny.ag/raffprlg  ·  submitted 1997

The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him for the same act as the destroyer of liberty.

Abraham Lincoln, in Law and Politics

tiny.ag/oqpuijzx  ·  submitted 1997

Hell, there are no rules here -- we're trying to accomplish something.

Thomas Alva Edison, in Work and Recreation

tiny.ag/04lm8ot1  ·  submitted 1997

Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life.

Eric Hoffer, in Love and Hate

tiny.ag/d3ttj2ag  ·  submitted 1997

You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think.

Elbert Hubbard, in Wisdom and Ignorance

tiny.ag/tvfsj7gx  ·  submitted 1997

I don't feel good.

Luther Burbank, (dying words), in Life and Death

tiny.ag/i5ba47dl  ·  submitted 1997

It gets late early out there.

Yogi Berra, (on Yankee Stadium in the fall), in Work and Recreation

tiny.ag/bjsd3gdi  ·  submitted 1997

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Mahatma Gandhi, in Happiness and Misery

tiny.ag/pbhm4rie  ·  submitted 1997

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

Samuel Butler, in Altruism and Cynicism

tiny.ag/zwylfryx  ·  submitted 1997

Dune (paperback)

It is by will alone that I set my mind in motion.

Frank Herbert, Dune, in Work and Recreation

tiny.ag/tcyzf8gu  ·  submitted 1999 by David Knight

An expert is someone who is one page ahead of you in the manual.

David Knight, in Wisdom and Ignorance

tiny.ag/yio6tuyz  ·  submitted 1997

Deep Thoughts (paperback)

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts, in Life and Death

tiny.ag/vmqykh2c  ·  submitted 1997

Catch-22 (paperback)

The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them.

Joseph Heller, Catch-22, in Work and Recreation