Altruism and Cynicism

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.

Henry Louis Mencken, in Altruism and Cynicism

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking.

Henry Louis Mencken, in Altruism and Cynicism

Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food.

Dean McLaughlin, in Altruism and Cynicism

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Groucho Marx, in Altruism and Cynicism

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Groucho Marx, in Altruism and Cynicism

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Abraham Lincoln, in Altruism and Cynicism

Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism

Egoist: A person of low taste, more interested in themselves than in me.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism

No good deed goes unpunished.

Clare Boothe Luce, in Altruism and Cynicism

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Ambrose Bierce, in Altruism and Cynicism

Politeness: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism

When the government fears the people, we have liberty. When the people fear the government, we have tyranny.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism and Law and Politics

Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism and Wealth and Poverty

Never ask the barber if you need a haircut.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Never deprive someone of hope -- it may be all they have.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.

Ann Landers, in Altruism and Cynicism

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

W. C. Fields, in Altruism and Cynicism

Never give a sucker an even break and never smarten up a chump.

W. C. Fields, in Altruism and Cynicism