Life and Death

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

Phyllis Diller, in Life and Death

I kept on digging the hole deeper and deeper looking for the treasure chest until I finally lifted my head, looked up and realised that I had dug my own grave.

Dominic, (on the psychology of a gambler), in Life and Death and Success and Failure

Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think, and a docudrama with ugly actors for those who film docudramas.

Dr. Squid, in Altruism and Cynicism and Life and Death

In our society, any man who doesn't cry at his mother's funeral is liable to be condemned to death.

Albert Camus, The Stranger, in Life and Death

All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.

Elias Canetti, in Life and Death

To be prepared against surprise is to be trained. To be prepared for surprise is to be educated.

James Carse, in Life and Death

After I'm dead, I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Marcus Porcius Cato, in Life and Death

In the end, everything is a gag.

Charlie Chaplin, in Life and Death

Any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out.

Anton Chekhov, in Life and Death

Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives.

Maurice Chevalier, in Life and Death

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

Voltaire, in Life and Death

I've never been this old in my entire life.

Rev. J. D. O'Neal, (sermon: "Redeeming the Time"), in Life and Death

We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it.

William Osler, in Life and Death

Let us so live that when we come to die, even the undertaker will be sorry.

Mark Twain, in Life and Death and Vice and Virtue

Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.

Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger, in Life and Death

Mankind terminated, man what a break.

Mark van Essen, (from a lyric written for Bruce Springsteen), in Life and Death

Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.

Franklin P. Jones, in Life and Death

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.

Franklin P. Jones, in Life and Death

Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can at it.

Danny Kaye, in Life and Death and Success and Failure

If death did not exist today it would be necessary to invent it.

Count Jean Baptiste Milhoud, in Life and Death