Aphorisms Galore!

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Aphorisms Galore! lets you Feed Your Wit by browsing, searching, submitting, and discussing aphorisms and witty sayings by famous and not-so-famous people.

Welcome! The computer thought you might be interested in these aphorisms today, taking into account things like their recent popularities and how new they are to the collection:

tiny.ag/iqolobqc  ·  submitted 1997

In order to preserve your self-respect, it is sometimes necessary to lie and cheat.

Robert Byrne, in Vice and Virtue

tiny.ag/xachd7wx  ·  submitted 1997

Whenever anyone says anything he is indulging in theories.

Alfred Korzybski, in Science and Religion and Wisdom and Ignorance

tiny.ag/nzeorxiy  ·  submitted 1997

Every calling is great when greatly pursued.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, in Altruism and Cynicism

tiny.ag/pbhm4rie  ·  submitted 1997

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

Samuel Butler, in Altruism and Cynicism

tiny.ag/1i8zitnu  ·  submitted 1998

I wish to have no connection with any ship that does not sail fast; for I intend to go in harms way.

John Paul Jones, in War and Peace

tiny.ag/vmqykh2c  ·  submitted 1997

Catch-22 (paperback)

The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them.

Joseph Heller, Catch-22, in Work and Recreation

tiny.ag/f7dpm5bc  ·  submitted 1997

The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.

Albert Einstein, in Science and Religion

tiny.ag/9kdycunx  ·  submitted 1997

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve.

Robert Frost, in Success and Failure and Work and Recreation

tiny.ag/orx9er1h  ·  submitted 1997

The wind and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.

Edward Gibbon, in Success and Failure

tiny.ag/wh6qtopk  ·  submitted 1997

I improve on misquotation.

Cary Grant, in Wisdom and Ignorance

tiny.ag/zzbstsyk  ·  submitted 1997

If the aborigine drafted an I.Q. test, all of Western civilization would presumably flunk it.

Stanley Garn, in Wisdom and Ignorance

tiny.ag/nqhblasx  ·  submitted 1997

It is perfectly true that the government is best which governs least. It is equally true that the government is best which provides most.

Walter Lippmann, in Law and Politics

tiny.ag/bgvxtarp  ·  submitted 1997

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Thomas Jefferson, in Success and Failure and Work and Recreation

tiny.ag/zwylfryx  ·  submitted 1997

Dune (paperback)

It is by will alone that I set my mind in motion.

Frank Herbert, Dune, in Work and Recreation

tiny.ag/2cctxyhg  ·  submitted 1997

If we fight a war and win it with H-bombs, what history will remember is not the ideals we were fighting for but the methods we used to accomplish them. These methods will be compared to the warfare of Genghis Khan who ruthlessly killed every last inhabitant of Persia.

Hans A. Bethe, in War and Peace

tiny.ag/qycsaode  ·  submitted 1997

When angry, count to ten before you speak; when very angry, a hundred.

Thomas Jefferson, Writings, in Wisdom and Ignorance

tiny.ag/9qotdgih  ·  submitted 1999

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Doug Kenney, in Love and Hate

tiny.ag/pu94ynqw  ·  submitted 1997

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin, in Vice and Virtue

tiny.ag/hifvkpkc  ·  submitted 1997

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Doug Larson, in Vice and Virtue