Aphorisms Galore!

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Aphorisms Galore! lets you Feed Your Wit by browsing, searching, submitting, discussing, and rating aphorisms and witty sayings by famous and not-so-famous people.

Welcome! The computer thought you might be interested in these aphorisms today, taking into account things like their recent popularities, their ratings, and how new they are to the collection:

Commenttiny.ag/iht7l65u  ·   Fair (521 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool.

Bellamy Brooks, in Altruism and Cynicism

Commenttiny.ag/cgjakfr4  ·   Fair (384 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

So of cheerfulness, or a good temper, the more it is spent, the more it remains.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, in Happiness and Misery

Commenttiny.ag/hifvkpkc  ·   Fair (328 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997  · 

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

Doug Larson, in Vice and Virtue

Commenttiny.ag/rdqgrf59  ·   Fair (370 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997  · 

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.

Abraham Lincoln, in Vice and Virtue

Commenttiny.ag/pmqy9n03  ·   Fair (782 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

It's better to waste one's youth than to do nothing with it at all.

Georges Courteline, in Life and Death

Commenttiny.ag/dlefcimh  ·   Fair (589 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997  · 

Comedy is tragedy plus time.

Carol Burnett, in Happiness and Misery

Commenttiny.ag/la8pw7kl  ·   Fair (381 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

We have had an Imperial lesson; it may make us an Empire yet!

Rudyard Kipling, in Success and Failure

Commenttiny.ag/tuvabnig  ·   Fair (890 ratings)  ·  submitted 1999  · 

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

Woody Allen, in Life and Death and Love and Hate

Commenttiny.ag/o5og0ube  ·   Fair (692 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

A diet is when you watch what you eat and wish you could eat what you watch.

Hermione Gingold, in Food and Drink

Commenttiny.ag/kge2ejcq  ·   Fair (202 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

It is seldom that liberty of any kind is lost all at once.

David Hume, in Law and Politics

Commenttiny.ag/gu6tloek  ·   Fair (298 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Simon Cameron, in Altruism and Cynicism and Law and Politics

Commenttiny.ag/phdwhmxt  ·   Fair (632 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

I prefer the most unjust peace to the most righteous war.

Cicero, in War and Peace

Commenttiny.ag/pu94ynqw  ·   Fair (299 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin, in Vice and Virtue

Commenttiny.ag/xkpfj82n  ·   Fair (490 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997  · 

Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin.

Anatole France, in Vice and Virtue

Commenttiny.ag/hyedkhd2  ·   Fair (330 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

It is the province of knowledge to speak, and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Commenttiny.ag/wh6qtopk  ·   Fair (146 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997  · 

I improve on misquotation.

Cary Grant, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Commenttiny.ag/vmqykh2c  ·   Fair (1049 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them.

Joseph Heller, Catch-22, in Work and Recreation

Catch-22 (paperback)

Commenttiny.ag/9qotdgih  ·   Fair (684 ratings)  ·  submitted 1999

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Doug Kenney, in Love and Hate

Commenttiny.ag/pxnbu4ey  ·   Fair (820 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

Rudyard Kipling, in Men and Women and Vice and Virtue

Commenttiny.ag/mjjtqyix  ·   Fair (324 ratings)  ·  submitted 1997

An excuse is the mark of a moral coward.

Joseph Cimino, in Altruism and Cynicism

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