Unknown

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

There are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. It's better to belong to the first group because there is less competition.

Unknown, (Wilson on Home Improvement), in Work and Recreation

There are people who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who wonder what happened.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are no errors in this book, except this one.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are a lot of ways to become a failure, but never taking a chance is the most successful.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The world is governed more by appearance than realities, so it is fully as necessary to seem to know something as it is to know it.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

Unknown, in Law and Politics

The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Wisdom and Ignorance

The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.

Unknown, in Life and Death

The best defense against logic is ignorance.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed.

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Work and Recreation

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Success is a journey, not a destination.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The burden is equal to the horse's strength.

Unknown, (The Talmud), in Work and Recreation