Unknown

The scriptures teach us the best way of living, the noblest ways of suffering, and the most comfortable ways of dying.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

The strong take from the weak, but the smart take from the strong.

Unknown, in Wealth and Poverty

To live a perfect life, you must ask nothing, give nothing, and expect nothing.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery and Life and Death

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To err is human, to forgive unusual.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To err is human, to blame the next guy even more so.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

The surest way of having something done is to forbid your kids to do it.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the scythe.

Unknown, (Russian proverb), in Success and Failure

There are people who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who wonder what happened.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

The surest sign that a man is in love is when he divorces his wife.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.

Unknown, in Science and Religion