Unknown

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Unknown, in Life and Death and Success and Failure

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Draft beer, not people.

Unknown, in War and Peace

Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.

Unknown, in Life and Death

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Wealth and Poverty

I'm not afraid of work... I can even sleep beside it.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue and Work and Recreation

I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.

Unknown, in Life and Death

I've had one child. My husband wants to have another. I'd like to watch <EM>him</EM> have another.

Unknown, in Men and Women

If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If people talk negatively about you, live so that no one will believe them.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

If only I could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot dog stands on the moon.

Unknown, in Men and Women