Unknown

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Unknown, in Law and Politics

To live a perfect life, you must ask nothing, give nothing, and expect nothing.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery and Life and Death

To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of them absent.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To err is human, to forgive unusual.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To err is human, to blame the next guy even more so.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are people who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who wonder what happened.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Once you've tried to change the world you find it's a whole bunch easier to change your mind.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism and Success and Failure

Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Once you've accumulated sufficient knowledge to get by, you're too old to remember it.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

One does not make friends, one recognizes them.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

Join the Army: travel to exotic distant lands, meet exciting, unusual people and kill them.

Unknown, in War and Peace