Unknown

The surest way of having something done is to forbid your kids to do it.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the sheltered will never know.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery and Life and Death

First Rule of History: History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

First Law of Bicycling: No matter where you're going, it's uphill and against the wind.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Fairy tales: Horror stories for children to get them used to reality.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Ducharm's Axiom: If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

Unknown, in Life and Death and Success and Failure

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Draft beer, not people.

Unknown, in War and Peace

Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Death is nature's way of recycling human beings.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.

Unknown, in Life and Death and Work and Recreation

Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Unknown, in Law and Politics

Don't do whatever you like -- like whatever you do.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery and Work and Recreation