Unknown

If only I could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality whatsoever.

Unknown, in Food and Drink

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Always remember your weapons system was made by the lowest bidder

Unknown, in War and Peace

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

All this wheeling and dealing around, why, it isn't for money, it's for fun. Money's just the way we keep score.

Unknown, in Wealth and Poverty

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If everyone would sweep in front of their own door, the whole world would be clean.

Unknown, (Middle Eastern proverb), in Vice and Virtue

Art is a deliberate recreation of a new and special reality that grows from your response to life. It cannot be copied; it must be created.

Unknown, in Art and Literature

Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Any time you think you have influence, try ordering around someone else's dog.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.

Unknown, in Wealth and Poverty

Always remember your weapons system was made by the lowest bidder

Unknown, in War and Peace

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.

Unknown, in Life and Death

An authority is a person who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.

Unknown, in Science and Religion