Unknown

Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is attracted to dark objects.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are two sides to every divorce: yours and the shithead's.

Unknown, in Love and Hate

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

There are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. It's better to belong to the first group because there is less competition.

Unknown, (Wilson on Home Improvement), in Work and Recreation

There are people who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who wonder what happened.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

There are no errors in this book, except this one.

Unknown, in Science and Religion

There are a lot of ways to become a failure, but never taking a chance is the most successful.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

One man's ceiling is another man's floor.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

People do not resist change -- they resist being changed.

Unknown, in Law and Politics

Pardo's First Postulate: Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

Only those who do not expect anything are never disappointed. Only those who never try, never fail.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

One thing is one thing. Another thing is another thing.

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

Oliver's Law: Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Unknown, in Success and Failure