Submissions

Vile deeds like poison weeds bloom well in prison air, it is only what is good in man that wastes and withers there.

Oscar Wilde, The Ballad of Reading Gaol

The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong; he can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way

Mark Twain, Speech in NYC, Jan. 22, 1906

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Mark Twain, Notebooks 1935

Fate? Ha! That's what you call it when you don't know the name of the person screwing you over!

Lois, Malcolm in the Middle

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us.

Kurt Vonnegut, Cold Turkey May 10, 2004

If I'm not back in five minutes... wait longer.

Jim Carrey, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

It's not your painting anymore. It stopped being your painting the moment that you finished it.

Jeff Melvoin, Northern Exposure, Fish Story

When the rich wage war it's the poor who die.

Jean-Paul Sartre, The Devil and the Good Lord

There's a certain shabby nobility in failing all by myself.

Jamie Conway, Bright Lights, Big City

We must dare to think about "unthinkable things" because when things become unthinkable, thinking stops and action becomes mindless.

James W. Fulbright, March 27, 1964

The distance between insanity and genius is measured only by success.

James Bond, Tomorrow Never Dies

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate now knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude

I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents.

George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

George Bush, Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

He knows nothing; He thinks he knows everything. That clearly points to a career in politics.

George Bernard Shaw, Major Barbara (1907) Act III

Dinosaurs eat man...Women inherit the earth.

Ellie, Jurassic Park

I want kids that love me as much as I hated my mother.

Diane, Happiness

Swearing is like any other music...If it is not done well, if it is not done with a fine and discriminating art, and vitalized with gracious and heartborn feeling, it lacks beauty, it lacks charm, it lacks expression, it lacks nobleness, it lacks majesty...

David Gridley, Indiantown

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

Dave Barry, The Taming of the Screw

There's a very fine line between a groove and a rut; a fine line between eccentrics and people who are just plain nuts.

Christine Lavin, Prisoners of their Hairdos