Altruism and Cynicism

The relationship between truth and a newspaper is like the relationship between the color green and the number seven. Occasionally you will see the number seven written in green, but you learn not to expect this.

Garrison Keillor, in Altruism and Cynicism

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Thomas Jones, in Altruism and Cynicism

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

W. C. Fields, in Altruism and Cynicism

Be polite to all, but intimate with few.

Thomas Jefferson, in Altruism and Cynicism

In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments -- there are consequences.

Robert G. Ingersoll, in Altruism and Cynicism

Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down.

Collis P. Huntington, in Altruism and Cynicism

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.

Cordel Hull, in Altruism and Cynicism

If a feller says, "It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing," it's the money.

Elbert Hubbard, in Altruism and Cynicism

An enemy is anyone who tells the truth about you.

Elbert Hubbard, in Altruism and Cynicism

Never give a sucker an even break and never smarten up a chump.

W. C. Fields, in Altruism and Cynicism

I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

W. C. Fields, in Altruism and Cynicism

Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.

Louise Beal, in Altruism and Cynicism

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

To err is human, to blame the next guy even more so.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

The Golden Rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism and Success and Failure

There are two reasons for doing something: a really good reason and the real reason.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism and Vice and Virtue

Once you've tried to change the world you find it's a whole bunch easier to change your mind.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism and Success and Failure