Unknown

If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality whatsoever.

Unknown, in Food and Drink

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Unknown, in Wisdom and Ignorance

If everyone would sweep in front of their own door, the whole world would be clean.

Unknown, (Middle Eastern proverb), in Vice and Virtue

If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

Everything is controlled by a small evil group to which, unfortunately, no one we know belongs.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Ever notice that even the busiest people are never too busy to tell you just how busy they are?

Unknown, in Success and Failure and Work and Recreation

Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who decided to stand their ground.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Every solution breeds new problems.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Every successful person has had failures but repeated failure is no guarantee of eventual success.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Every time a baby is born, so is a grandmother.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.

Unknown, in Vice and Virtue

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Unknown, in Life and Death

Everyone smiles in the same language.

Unknown, in Happiness and Misery

First Law of Bicycling: No matter where you're going, it's uphill and against the wind.

Unknown, in Work and Recreation

Familiarity breeds contempt.

Unknown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Finagle's Fourth Law: Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Unknown, in Success and Failure

Fairy tales: Horror stories for children to get them used to reality.

Unknown, in Life and Death

First Rule of History: History doesn't repeat itself -- historians merely repeat each other.

Unknown, in Science and Religion