Submissions

In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.

Terry Pratchett, From the book "Lords and Ladies"

The question seldom addressed is where Medusa had snakes. Underarm hair is an even more embarassing problem when it keeps biting the top of the deodorant bottle.

Terry Pratchett, From the book "Soul Music"

People's whole lives do pass in front of their eyes before they die - the process is called 'Living'.

Terry Pratchett, From the book "The Last Continent"

Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o'course.

Terry Pratchett, From the book "Small Gods"

And, while it was regarded as pretty good evidence of criminality to be living in a slum, for some reason owning a whole street of them merely got you invited to the very best social occasions.

Terry Pratchett, From the book "Feet of Clay"

Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.

Terry Pratchett, From the book Jingo

One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

Terry Pratchett, From the book Jingo

"Life is change. If you can't change, you can't live."

Mecca Mogue

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Country & Western lyric

No tyrant ever died of paper cuts.

RHJunior

I am of the conviction that most people believe in God only so that they can have someone to blame.

RHJunior

Those who can, do. Those who can't teach.
Then there are those who manage to get by.

John T. Evans, With aplologies to H. L. Mencken.

My best advice for dealing with liberal celebrities is this: treat them as you would any other circus monkey-- a creature that is cute, amusing and oh so clever, but when confronted with a superior intellect is only capable of screeching and flinging poop at it.

RHJunior

Hypocrisy breeds contempt

Mark Horne

Home is A place you can't be turned away from, can't be asked to leave and can grow some food if you're poor.
It's part of The American Way of HomeLife, Liberty and The Pursuit of Happiness (Home, Sweet Home with God/Love). Luke9:58, John10:10, 1Cor12:26, Luke10:27, Deut6:5 & 1John4:16 KJV1776

David Andrew Nunnery, http://theamway.injesus.com/

You know nothing, and that's a fact.

Lewis Carroll

"The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one"

J.D. Salinger, THE CATCHER IN THE RYE

"When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream."

John Lennon

You have to decide whether you're going to contribute to the lift side of the equation, or the drag side of the equation.

Richard Thompson

When you cast aside moral restraint, you cast aside the reins of your life. And, rest assured, someone with more vision than yourself will come along and pick them up... and use them to lead you where you would not choose to go.

RHJunior