Altruism and Cynicism

I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?

Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes, in Altruism and Cynicism

Heck, what's a little extortion among friends?

Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes, in Altruism and Cynicism

All humans are hypocrites; the biggest hypocrite of all is the one who claims to detest hypocrisy.

Peter Wastholm, in Altruism and Cynicism

It's not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the game even starts.

Addison Walker, in Altruism and Cynicism

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous." And God granted it.

Voltaire, in Altruism and Cynicism

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Gore Vidal, in Altruism and Cynicism

Black, white, brown, yellow or even red, we piss with our pants down, and go naked to bed.

Mark van Essen, in Altruism and Cynicism

Getting caught is the mother of invention.

Robert Byrne, in Altruism and Cynicism

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Simon Cameron, in Altruism and Cynicism and Law and Politics

A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.

Edgar A. Shoaff, in Altruism and Cynicism

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

Samuel Butler, in Altruism and Cynicism

All government -- indeed, every human benefit and enjoyment, every virtue and every prudent act -- is founded on compromise and barter.

Edmund Burke, in Altruism and Cynicism

You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.

Rita Mae Brown, in Altruism and Cynicism

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

Rita Mae Brown, in Altruism and Cynicism

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

A. Whitney Brown, in Altruism and Cynicism

Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism

Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.

Louise Beal, in Altruism and Cynicism

Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.

Ashleigh Brilliant, Brilliant Thoughts (copyright info: www.ashleighbrilliant.com), in Altruism and Cynicism

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Ashleigh Brilliant, Brilliant Thoughts (copyright info: www.ashleighbrilliant.com), in Altruism and Cynicism

Eulogy: Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, in Altruism and Cynicism